Sunday, November 10, 2013

that day

At last, that day has come.
 
Truthfully, i really hate that day. For some reason, i was avoiding everyone. I was even avoiding to exchange glances with anyone's eyes. I was hoping no one would remember. I was hoping for no wishes. I don't mind. Really. Even better coz i am not good in dealing with wishes, or compliment, or anything good said to me. I suck at expressing myself, though i appreciated a lot of things (and people).
 
And truthfully, over the past 24 hours before that day, i was hoping it would not come. I was hoping time would stop by itself. Or even better, just skipped that day. Or at least, i was not around when that day comes.
 
Because truthfully, i was scared. I was not ready. Coz when that day comes, it does not just come and go. It comes, with a lot more responsibilities. Living up to that day was quite difficult. And to live through that day and after will definitely not getting any easier. Truthfully, i was scared. And still am.
 
But still, that day, i woke up, stand in front of a mirror, while looking at my reflection, i said to myself,
 
 
"Happy Birthday, dear. You may not be the best person in the world. Maybe, not yet. But you are special. Coz you are me. And I, will always love me."
 
 
Ready or not, it is inevitable. Time cannot be stopped. Life cannot be skipped. And age will always grow.
 
Living without regretting the past choices that i've made. That is it. And that is always the coolest way to getting old.
 
Live well, love.
 
 
p/s : thank you, everyone. and thank you, Allah.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

demon

betapa kuat kita berjuang mengalahkan syaitan atas bawah kiri kanan, ada satu syaitan yang kita susah untuk kalahkan. syaitan dalam diri kita sendiri.
 
sebab dia bukan syaitan sekadar syaitan. kenal kita luar dalam. tahu busuk wangi jiwa. nampak hati gelap mana. dan tatkala tewas, dia sakan ketawa, dan buatkan kita sama tertawa, sambil berbisik,
 
 
"tak apa, ada hikmah di sebaliknya."
 
"jangan risau, masih ada peluang kedua."
 
 
yang kita selalu terpedaya. terperangkap dalam rasional dalam memujuk rasa. buat kita lupa, salah tetap salah. bukan boleh diselindung dengan hikmah. bukan boleh dinanti lain kalinya. bukan juga boleh disimpan untuk peluang kedua.
 
dan kadang kadang, kita sukar nak matikan bisikan syaitan itu. sebab kadang kadang, kita sendiri gagal nak pastikan, syaitankah itu? ataupun kita?
 
mana tahu bisa menjadi satu.