Saturday, January 15, 2011

to me, myself and i

i've got a story to tell. and it might be yawnful.

i have lived for 21 years, 2 months and 5 days. and throughout this time i've found out that the most difficult thing to do in my life is making decision. choosing the best choice out of many choices. made up my mind. stick to one alternative. yada yada yada...

seriously, i hate making decision. as much as i hate myself being so not confident over everything i should do.

let me tell u my story. i am just an ordinary person. living in an ordinary life. back then, during my old school time, i do not expose myself much. aku tak kejar popularity, aku tak sangap glemer dan aku tak suka berada di khalayak ramai. that's just me. but it's not like some sort of emo-gothic-girl who just sits at the end of corner with black aura all around. it's kinda like, i am shy. ya, aku seorang yang pemalu dan agak konservatif, geli tak?

i was only depending on my brain, and thank god, i was blessed with a brain that a bit extra than others.

and that is the time when people started to see me. bilamana aku mula keluar dari kepompong lama and started to invade the world. learned to be someone new. learned to cherish the life more. and then, there was a time which i called 'zaman kegemilangan matrikulasi saya'. yes, during my matriculation, i exposed myself a lot. or maybe, i'll just say that that time, people saw me more, just because i was lucky. matriculation life is a golden momento of my life.

but then, once i stepped in uitm, i'm back to my old me. i'm back to a normal-high-school-girl-life and the more i think about it, the more black holes i saw in me. i became timid and timider, and i started to hate my life once again.

well, life is like a roller coaster, sometimes u're up. sometimes u're down.

and now, with a lot black holes inside me, with the least confidence i have in me, i am having difficulties in making up my mind, on choosing where should i do my internship programme.

i do not dare to dream high, because i knew who i am. i realized that i tend to let go a lot of golden opportunities in my life. sometimes i do feel like i am playing safe, a lot. i'm not brave enough to try something new, to make drastic changes and to step out of my old world.

tapi sampai bila? sampai bila nak depends on luck semata mata, dan kalau nasib kau dah memang sangat baik pun, kau tetap akan sia siakannya jugak kan?

so, why don't i just give it a try? tak banyak peluang macam ni datang. even if the possibility is 0.00001% pun, it is still possible. it's lucky enough to have been given the opportunity which others are dying for, why don't just grab it, do ur part and the rest, leave it in the hand of Allah.

enough with the play safe thing. dare to change and dare to dare urself. we do not know what He has already set up for us, but just believe, it must be for our own good as well.

and like i said, life is like a roller coaster. whether u're up, or down, both give different feelings of excitement. just cherish the moments coz in the end, it'll only lead to one thing - an enjoyable ride.

ya Allah, please guide us in everything we do.


faezah said...

" i was only depending on my brain, and thank god, i was blessed with a brain that a bit extra than others."
~~i like hahahah :)

farah hazwani othman said...

hah hah. itu dulu~

faezah said...

skang pn same kn hehhehe "still da same" :)

farah hazwani othman said...

semua org pun berubahlah. mana ada sama sangat pun.

faezah said...

hahhah so ko da brubah r nie ek hihihih...